Hard to swallow

The news that a woman tried to swallow a mobile phone sounds almost as implausible as the event I just witnessed 2 days ago, when my second daughter squeezed out into the world.
God knows what the pain is like, and thank goodness for epidurals!
Looking at the graph of heartbeat and other statistics spewing out of the small medical printing device at 7.00pm, I said to my wife "It doesn't look like it's coming right now, the contractions don't look regular? Are you in a lot of pain?"
"Shut up, .... F*** off!" said my wife, with a look that implied she would be happy to see me swallow the entire printer!

Sometimes you don't need a lot of information to know what's going on...

Our daughter was born at 9:40, and weighed 3kg. My wife appears to have forgiven me! :)