Pavlovian Customer Service

I've been trying to organise some things on both sides of the world. Here in Thailand I am trying to get my broadband connection working again, or get a new provider. In the UK I'm trying to do some banking and cancel some subscriptions to services I don't use.

I'm starting to get a Pavlovian response to Call centres! Whenever the phrase "Our operators are very busy at the moment, but please be assured that your call is important to us, and we will answer your call as soon as possible" is played by the IVR, I start to foam at the mouth. I can't help it.
This is probably a reaction that is similar for millions of others who call up CSRs on a daily basis. And it is so, so wrong.
The metrics for call centre performance encourage CSRs to spend less time on the phone with the customer, to answer the call and then as quickly as possible move onto the next one.
Meanwhile, the customers are waiting, getting frustrated and when they finally do get to speak to an operator, they are treated brusquely.

The time has come for a change of business model:
- Save the customers time
- Minimise the chance that their problem will go unsolved
- Make it convenient for the customer, not the CSRs!

Currently Call centres work through a single channel. The ACD queue. That is what is measured. It is managed on a first in, first out model. What we need to do is introduce the following:
- multiple channels
- Scheduling (including presence and escalation)

If I phone a call centre, it's not that hard for them to estimate how long it is going to be before my call gets answered - they measure the average wait time and call time on a regular basis. They don't tell me because it might be wrong and I might become angry (hint: I'm already angry!)

The only things I need to know from a customer that calls up are:
- Who are they?
- What area is their problem in?
- When would be a convenient time to CALL THEM? (that fits into the schedule)

But we've given people the option to ask for a call back, and they still stay in the queue! Well, yes, there is a perception that CSRs never call back. The Call centre metrics need to be focussed around call backs and not calls answered.

Here's an example of the conversation (with an IVR) I'd like to have:
"Good Morning, you're through to the ACME Help scheduling service, please press the number of the option you require assistance with. Press 1 for ..."
"Thankyou, now tell us when you would like us to call you. Press 1 for ASAP, 2 for morning, 3 for afternoon, 4 for evening"
"Thankyou, our next slot for your chosen option is 18:30 tomorrow. Press 1 to accept, 2 for alternative time or # plus 4 digits to suggest a time"
"Thankyou, do you wish us to call you at this number? Press 1 to accept or # and the number you wish us to call"
"You have asked us to call you on at . If this is incorrect press 1. You may change your appointment by logging in to our website at ???? using the number as user and appointment time as the PIN. Alternatively you can send an SMS to 8888 containing the number for callback followed by a space and the 4 digit appointment time and we will attempt to call you ASAP"

If, during the course of this exchange, a CSR becomes available, then make the connection, otherwise, make sure that all callbacks are executed.
If the number is a mobile number, it might make sense to send an SMS shortly before the appointed time to confirm. Allow the customer to reply to the SMS with a modified time.

It's not perfect, but anything's better than hanging on the line (from Thailand) for 40 minutes...